[R-R] the mechanics of rape fantasies – your wildest dreams
Warning: Mature Contents
Haruda hit the nail on the head in her R-R rape entry:
Let me preface this entire thing by stating that female rape fantasies aren’t about actual rape.
She’s right. Female rape fantasy isn’t actually rape because the woman still has absolute power and control over her imagination. She’s the director of the fantasy. She calls the shots, picks her leading man, and writes her own script. In an imaginary situation, it is not possible for one person to actually violate the other against her will, because the person entertaining the fantasy is a willing participant of the sexual act. She gains visceral pleasure and satisfaction from the fantasy that she manufactures for herself.
But why fantasize about rape? Why not fantasize about scented candles, rose petals, silk sheets, sweet kisses and soft sighs?
Because the glorification of rape is more exciting. Rape is RAW and THRILLING and DIRTY and oh, so WRONG. Rape is bruised thighs and split lips and head lolling, heart pounding, choked sobbing, hands pinned down, simulated helplessness, the whole pleasure-pain of it all. Rape is you fucking with danger, in the most literal sense of that. And some people get off on this, more so than they would with consensual sex because rape in itself lies outside of even the casted shadow of the norm, outside of what is acceptable in the category of culturally secreted things. By indulging in rape fantasies, people find an elevated kind of freedom in their [un]inhibited desires, a new degree of pressure and release. But besides the extra kick that rape fantasies add to a person’s pleasure, they also push interpersonal power dynamics to their limits and twist them into something else, something a little more complicated and indicative of larger social issues that cannot be overlooked as personal preferences and quirks, but warrant consideration and reflection.
Rape operates on a different level from the other more or less normative sex fantasies in that it is capable of temporarily reconciling restrictive social constructions with the individual’s unacknowledged desires.
Japanese culture enforces gender roles that are especially debilitating to women, who are expected to uphold proper decorum by preserving and maintaining the personification of the values of modesty, innocence, and purity. Major aspects of the culture from the complex system of honorifics used to address one’s superiors to the calculated angle of a bow reflect the hierarchal nature of Japanese society. The codification of these gestures is embedded in a national consciousness that does not tolerate deviant behavior. At least not from women.
The only time a woman can acceptably engage in sexual activities is when she is pandering to a man’s needs. The Mizu Shoubai [nighttime entertainment business in Japan] exhibits the commodification of women, facilitating their bodies through the underbelly of the Japanese economy. Soaplands, cabaret clubs, and the marketing and profit of every kind of fetish you could think to indulge in would all add up to a seemingly sexually liberal culture in which women can and do engage in all kinds of provocative acts from the coy gaze of a geisha to the bizarre antics of shoving eels up one’s ass. But the reality of it is that the idealization of these sexually open and tolerant women are only the product of a manufactured, capitalist wet dream. In actuality, these women are still bounded by the same standards and customs enforced by the Japanese social hierarchy, even if they are at the dirt bottom of it. So while they are using their bodies in order to make a living by working “morally questionable” jobs, they are still expected to modify their behavior in order to fit in with the norms prescribed by the same society that outwardly shuns them.
This is an excerpt from an interview with Sora Aoi, award-winning AV actress [read: high tier porn star]
Interviewer: Do you still think about how your partner is feeling more than yourself during sex?
Sora Aoi: I don’t think about it too much if I’m feeling good, but if it’s not good, all I think about is how to make him happy.
Interviewer: What if he comes before you start feeling any good?
Sora Aoi: I’m happy about that.
Interviewer: Mentally maybe you are happy, but your body isn’t satisfied, is it?
Sora Aoi:That’s O.K..
Interviewer: What a great woman! Tell us how a woman can be so good like you.
Sora Aoi: Heh-heh, I don’t know : )
With the face of a doll and an amazing bust, Sora Aoi is the epitome of the school girl fantasy. And to cement her status as the ultimate ideal of an intimate partner, here she denies getting pleasure from her job; whether her responses are truthful or not, the point is that she is not allowed to indulge in that kind of pleasure or to voice her enjoyment of it. Her job and position are valid as long as she herself remains a commodity. Individual desires and emotions are strategically voided in order to give off the impression of a diligent worker and devoted martyr, a sex symbol, a body vacant of any conflicting or undesirable facets. If she were to admit that the sex is great and that she’s having a jolly good time shooting her AVs, then she would be kicked out of the business faster than she can fake her next orgasm on screen. Because her consent would condemn her. As long as she publicly negates her sexuality with her imposed modesty and work ethics, she is allowed to utilize it for her own gain without having to deal with the moral backlash and social repercussions. Funny how that works out.
If even porn stars in Japan are expected to revere cultural norms and standards, then your average, run of the mill girl lives under the thumb and scorching magnifying glass of social obligations. She has to navigate through the minefield of gender expectations, familial responsibilities, and cultural conventions while grappling with her own sense of identity and sexuality. And it can’t be easy, always having the threat of shame and failure hanging over your head, always having to hold back and filter all of your private thoughts and wants into open-ended sentences and roundabout conversations that go nowhere and come nowhere near what you actually mean to convey.
Ashley mentioned the double standards at work behind the public perception of gendered sexuality in her R-R post. When a guy runs his mouth and starts going down the list of names in his little black book complete with play-by-play recount of his peeper going into all kinds of nooks, crannies, and crevices, he gets a pat on the back and praises from his audience for being a smooth operator, a ladies’ man, Hottie McP-I-M-P. But when a girl lets it slip that she’s been getting some shlick shlick AXxXion, she’s condemned for being a slut, a whore, trash, used goods, etc.
There is no male equivalent of slut. – MANMOT
Because you can’t simply disengage from your sexuality without the help of drugs, and seeing as how not everyone can hope to measure up to St. Sora’s martyrdom in the bedroom, where the hell is a girl supposed to get a break in all of this?
Well, we finally get to the core topic at hand [after that long and winding contextualization]:
RAPE FANTASIES function as a loophole in the myriad of overwhelming expectations that society imposes on women.
First, let’s take a look at these “sex offenders” in the typical rape fantasies:
What do all of these guys have in common?
1) looks harmless, but possesses dexterity you can feel and a fetish for his private tutor
2) top ranking student/most popular boy in school/certified badass
3) comes from a rich family – can afford pretty much anything, even love
The answer is that these pretty boys all have attractive qualities that “sanctify” and complement their brutish behaviors. So unless you’re filthy rich, popular, ridiculously good looking… or Makoto Itou, chances are that chicks aren’t going to be fantasizing about you shoving them up against walls and taking them hard and raw; which supports the argument that rape fantasies aren’t actually rape since the men involved and the situation itself is fabricated with so much glamor and appeal.
Pay attention to what the men are saying. Because in these fantasies, the women are actually expressing themselves through the guys, superimposing their displaced desires onto the guys’ actions and convictions.
Here, the depiction of rape is misleading because the guys are not actually violating these women. They are carrying out their sexual fantasies, executing their wish fulfillment. In these situations, the women are blameless because they’re posited as the victims, while the guys take on the roles of the sexual predators who are instigating these “dirty” acts. Gagged, tied up, pinned down, fucked up, protected by their own circumstantial helplessness, these women are then free to give in to their feelings and desires because they’ve set up a scenario where their own will and decisions have been conveniently taken out of their hands.
And this is the point of contention where tricky things like FATE and DESTINY come into play. As in, it’s okay to let these things to happen because this is what is meant to be. It’s okay for him to treat you like that, because he is The One, your Soul Mate, and you just have to suck it up and take it because no one else could possibly make you feel the way he does. That’s why it’s okay for him to be a sexist bigot who puts you down and trivializes you to make himself feel better. It’s okay, because this is TruLuv™. This is the ultimate happiness. These strange, secret fantasies are the only means by which you can hope to find fulfillment.
Thinking like that makes me want to cry.
I can’t bring myself to believe in things like FATE and DESTINY because there should never be an inevitability in any of our fates. You have to work your ass off to make things happen for yourself. Of course, the decisions that you have to make won’t be easy ones. But to give up the freedom to choose for yourself, to place your fate in another person’s hands, is a consequential act that is so profoundly sad and regrettable.
I understand that rape fantasies cannot simply be considered in terms of what is moral and immoral because there are so many layers of cultural mores and social factors at work that to dumb any aspect of them down into a black and white systematic judgment would be ignorant and hurtful. I’m definitely not in any position to condemn or justify these fantasies because I can understand where they are coming from and the very human wishes and insecurities that coagulate to produce them, but at the same time I worry a lot about what they could mean.
I worry that the proliferation of idealisms at work in rape fantasies would only serve to disappoint people and perpetuate misunderstandings between them when faced with the reality of their circumstances. Because the reality is that the average girl will probably not end up with Billionaire Prince Charming and the average guy just can’t measure up to her expectations because she has already formed all of these preconceived notions of what love and happiness is inside of her head. So both parties end up falling short and getting hurt by these fantasies because reality pales in comparison.
In her comment, Hinano pointed out the problematic logic of the signature rape themes in Shinjo Mayu’s works:
Also with shoujo manga by Shinjo Mayu which is obviously read by all sorts of teenage girls, it sends the message that “rape is ok, you have to be innocent and docile and some hunk will stick it in.”
So no this isn’t about adults who can’t deal with rape, it’s about the fact that a lot of materials in Japan aimed at teenage girls makes it seem that rape is in fact OK and a “part of life” rather than ever showing a girl who like stands up against the rapist and kicks his ass.
I can already anticipate the counter-arguments that there is a major differentiation between fiction and real life, and that I shouldn’t take these fictional works so seriously because they’re just superficial entertainment, and therefore inconsequential.
Um… you’ve got to be shitting me.
Fiction IS life. Fiction is a product of the creator’s beliefs, desires, insecurities, and values – and in turn reflects not just an individual’s idiosyncrasies, but also the social context that fashioned this creator, which then points to a bigger picture of that society. So no, don’t give me any bullshit about how fiction/art can stand alone apart from its context [i.e. reality].
Implementing that dichotomy [reality vs. fiction] only serves to provide excuses for people who don’t want to look too closely at their hobbies and interests and consider the troubling implications of those things.
Tangent: This is why I hate when people use the excuse, “This is the fucking internet. Get over it.” Yeah, go ahead and disregard that person on the other end of the computer screen and keep treating each other like shit and thinking that there are no consequences for your actions. Because nothing on the internet amounts to anything, right? When you troll or flame another person online, it doesn’t matter because they’re not real human beings and therefore their feelings are voided, right? And when they arbitrarily ridicule you and pick at your flaws, you’re not phased in the slightest, amirite? Heh, keep telling yourselves that.
Hinano raised a very good point in her comment because these works of fiction serve to establish and reinforce cultural meanings and norms that people then internalize. So unless the audience is conscious and critical of what they are consuming in terms of their media and entertainment, they’re going to be influenced in ways that they are unaware of, that could be detrimental to their potential for happiness. The depiction of rape in shoujo mangas have become common and characteristic, which in turn has the effect of desensitizing readers to the actual consequences and gravity of rape.
Rape fantasies do not factor in: death, physical mutilation, unplanned pregnancy, abortion, terminal STDs, and all the money that will go towards paying for years of therapy so you can try your luck at coping with an existence where you won’t be tempted to hurl yourself off a bridge at any given chance
Those are the differences between rape fantasies and rape. So you can’t forget, you can’t forget, you can’t forget. You have to acknowledge these consequences, even if you would rather indulge in shiny, bubbling fantasies of bishies and hot sex. Even if these things are uncomfortable and scary. You SHOULD be scared. You should be so fucking scared of mistaking these things for what is normal and acceptable.
The tragedy of rape fantasies is that even in people’s imagination, they’re still so firmly bounded by the limitations of reality. In utilizing rape, these women are still acknowledging the restrictive gender roles that society has delegated to them. That is why they must incorporate rape in order to work around those boundaries. And it’s heartbreaking, because even in their wildest dreams they are not free.
~ * ~
Other Participants who wrote on this topic: hinano, a day without me, haruda, animemiz, and ashley
July 2nd, 20087:19 pm at
Massive post, which is also massively informative and poignant. Hard to comment on, as it’s so full of stuff, and most of it without real need for elaboration.
Lacan would say that rape fantasies are the ultimate perversion – as perversion is wishing for the pleasure of The Other. But then Lacan was a mad nonempiricist, so don’t listen to him.
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July 2nd, 20088:01 pm at
Finally, you joined in this juicy discussion! (I’m still taking my time writing my thoughts on this topic/s btw)
In the end it all boils down to being aware of both the fantasy and reality, know where the ends meet, know where the differences lie and all that.
I’d like to think that this is the false counter-argument people say in defense of KnJ. People should understand the truth and myths found in these “immoral” media, not just delight in them nor bash them while overlooking these aspects.
Cheers!
(also itsubun, it seems that SpamKiller is blocking my comment, some plugin incompatibility is the cause of it, the author says)
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July 2nd, 20088:50 pm at
I think you write incredibly well, and there isn’t anything I can add to your post. Great job!
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July 2nd, 20089:01 pm at
Big Fuckin’ High-Five.
I’m tired so I’ll probably produce more thoughtful comments later…
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July 2nd, 20089:08 pm at
RE: Rape, I have a very good question which neither me nor my girlfriend have been able to answer with certainly. When a girl is getting raped, does she, even when she is normal and devoid of any rape fantasy and very traumatized by the ordeal, still produce the lubricating fluids needed for copulation to take place? If not, it is generally quite impossible to slide the male organ in without tearing something.
My hypothesis is that the guy does not really enjoy rape itself but just the sense of rape, while my gf says its a reflex action, the secretion of lubricating fluids. What do you people think?
And yeah, great post. Watch out for angry google hit comments though, they will be coming.
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July 2nd, 20089:08 pm at
Rape is just scary, and though there are so many other things to fantasize about, I suppose it’s the ‘thrill’ of the ‘forbidden’ that may lead to rape fantasies. But fantasies are fantasies, so long as they don’t spill out to reality, you can have them all you like (though the probalem seems to be having them all you like leading to the spilling out…)
Still, hate it when rape occurs (in fiction) but they pass it off as ‘okay’ because the victim and the instigator are gonna end up together ‘anyways’. That’s just… urgh. URGH (am lost for words on this one point alone)
If there’s ever a work where the would-be-victim “stands up against the rapist and kicks his [sorry] ass” like Hinano says though, I’ll be sure to watch it
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July 2nd, 20089:15 pm at
I have no problem believing that this is the way it is in Japan, and these rape fantasies when looked at in that light are rather disturbing. But, I don’t think that this is the one and only reason behind them. For instance, what about a woman who wants to be “raped” by her partner, but her fantasies go no further than what they already do? She’s already enjoying these things; why would she fantasize about them being forced on her?
Obviously this is different than the material you discussed, but I thought it was an interesting issue.
(And yes, good post!)
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July 2nd, 20089:32 pm at
So women can’t talk about their sex lives unless they have none. Big deal. Men can’t talk about their sex lives unless they have one. How’s that for a double standard? You know what happens to men whose black books are completely empty and still have that fresh black book smell? They get pushed down the stairs.
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July 2nd, 20089:43 pm at
@Baka-Raptor: No, it is not socially acceptable for women to openly talk about their sex lives AT ALL because they are NOT even ALLOWED to have one unless they are married. While guys talk about their “sex lives” all the time, even when they are nonexistent. The point is that for men, it’s okay for them to express and celebrate their sexuality. Whereas for women, they are expected to repressed their desires in order to retain their modesty and purity otherwise they face severe social repercussions. That’s the double standard. BUT I understand where you are coming from on the other side of the spectrum. It must be hard for the guys who aren’t as slick and successful with women because they then are ridiculed for their perceived impotence and lacking masculinity.
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July 2nd, 200810:14 pm at
http://viv.id.au/blog/?p=431
KEEP GOING, GUYS, I’M GONNA GET BINGO SOON
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July 2nd, 200810:37 pm at
It’s not just “okay” for men to express and celebrate their sexuality – it’s necessary. Women are not allowed to express their sexuality. Men are not allowed to not express their sexuality. Women can’t act like sluts; men have to act like sluts. Same lack of freedom on both sides.
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July 3rd, 20088:19 am at
Oh noes I still couldn’t post my comment T_T
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July 3rd, 200810:24 am at
@ Baka-Raptor: This is why I never go to the pub. I don’t have the imagination necessary to invent an interesting enough sex life to be a good conversationalist. (Though I suppose you don’t even have pubs in the US.)
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July 3rd, 20086:36 pm at
Great post and both you and Hinano raise good points about works like Shinjo Mayu. Its scary to think that young girls are exposed to works that reinforce the idea that rape is fine as long as the guy is hawt!
Rape isn’t fine period!
Bitter Virgin is actually a manga that seems to broach the subject of rape with a lot more pathos and seriousness. It even touches on consequences considering the poor girl in the manga had gotten pregnant as a result.
Unfortunately there are more mangas out there that seem to glorify it such as Shinjo’s works, than mangas like Bitter Virgin which actually seem to be trying to take such a heavy subject a little more seriously.
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July 4th, 200812:51 am at
Great post and I make a great mistake reading it while working…furthermore…inside a university. Ahh looking at those pictures are gonna earn me tonnes of weird looks from now on. Anyway, a really good post and I truly agree at this last line of yours “And it’s heartbreaking, because even in their wildest dreams they are not free.” Ahh…so true…
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July 4th, 200811:09 am at
Quality post. Especially in how “fucking with danger” links with the the rapist being the dreamboy. It paints the acting partner in the relationship as irresponsible/animal/tool’o'destiny, so socially it has to coexist with the parallel line of sex-bullshit men get (that pornstar interview is baffling, she claims to want to be a housewife!). Anyway, I can kind of see how the way this stuff leads to playing absolute roles (surrender, conquest, whatever) in sex can work for people in practise, but you’re spot on in reminding us that it screws people up.
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July 5th, 20088:45 pm at
[...] Which is total and utter bullshit. Because in reality, men are really pure hearted misunderstood souls who prioritize the emotional more than anything else, at least as much as their female counterparts do… Yea, that and women have no sexual desires whatsoever. [...]
July 7th, 20083:44 am at
Every attempt I’ve ever made to get a girlfriend has met with disappointment. Most of the girls I know have boyfriends already, and the ones that don’t, in one case, have girlfriends. But to these girls I know I’m not valued as a romantic partner but as somebody they can confide in and express their worries to without the threat of being seen as purely for a romantic relationship.
They are more than happy for me to listen to their dramas, which their boyfriends do not do, but aren’t willing to provide anything back apart from a slight hint that “we could be just friends”. So these girls from school project their fantasy of having a guy who is nice and non-threatening, who they don’t perceive as wanting sex from them because I’m “retarded” (I have Asperger’s Syndrome). Because of my status of “retarded”, girls feel they can indulge their emotional wants and needs without giving me back anything in return apart from a conversation.
This might seem nice for a while, but when you aren’t getting anything meaningful out of it other than a placebo for loneliness, it’s not healthy. The “just friends” fantasy is equally as harmful to young men who may have genuine problems interacting with other people as rape fantasies are to women, both deal with idealism and a safe mask to a harmful situation, both the “just friends” geek and the rape fantasy woman are being exploited.
Another thing which society does to Asperger’s people is that it is assumed they are retarded and have no real sexual desires or sexual worth at all. For this reason girls can make fun of them for kicks and treat them like crap. And when mean girls aren’t treating me like crap they’re trying to get information out of me for nothing other than an illusion that they are romantically interested in me. BECAUSE EVERYBODY KNOWS ASPIES CAN’T HAVE SEX, right?
Just putting in my two cents about an equivalent problem that I hate that is applicable to men.
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July 7th, 200812:22 pm at
@tj_han: The girl’s body would naturally produce the fluids due to being stimulated. That’s how the rapist is able to take advantage of the situation and force himself on her. That is also why it is common for rape victims to be confused about whether or not they have been violated because their bodies are reacting to the sexual stimulation, even if mentally they are terrified and do not want the attention.
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July 7th, 200812:55 pm at
@Asperger’s Anime Blogger:
I am sorry to hear about your bad experiences with women. From what I’ve read in your comment, I think those girls view your Asperger’s Syndrome as a form of emasculation that differentiates you from the other guys [potential romantic partners] that they are acquainted with. But to be fair, I know a couple of guys who have the same issues as you with women wanting to be “just friends” with them even though they are not diagnosed with your condition. So while Asperger certainly factors in, I don’t think it’s an isolated issue and therefore should not be used as a crutch for your disappointments.
The whole employing “a safe mask to a harmful situation” goes both ways. The girls don’t see you as a potential boyfriend so they treat you as a friend. But on the other hand, it seems like you’re not being very active about your own feelings and wants because you’re scared of rejection. So you’re just silently fuming while running to the internet to express your resentments and bitterness.
What it comes down to is that you have to be more honest and assertive about your intentions. If you don’t want people to keep using you as their waste-dump, then say so and make them realize that they are taking you for granted. Let them know that besides from being a good friend to them, you are also your own person and you have your own insecurities, wants, and needs. Make your feelings and desires known in order to contest the asexual “just friends” typecast that these girls have assigned to you. But at the same time be prepared for the same possible rejection that any other guy faces because even though you may have made the effort to convey your feelings, the girls might not reciprocate those feelings simply because they have their own preferences in men that stand apart from the fact that you have AS.
Also, if most of the girls that you know already have significant others, I would highly suggest looking somewhere else for romance because chances are that these girls will not leave their boyfriends/girlfriends and ruin their current relationships in order to give you real consideration as a romantic interest.
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July 7th, 20085:48 pm at
@itsubun:
Thanks, itsubun. I’ll keep that in mind next time I get my heart broken.
But what is related is what happened to me when a girl who wants to be a supermodel in New York approached me and asked me if I thought she was a slut for wanting to do that. I said “no you’re not a slut” because that’s a terrible thing to say to any woman.
Turns out some of the jocks were giving her a hard time about it, and she turned to me because I was unlikely to defend the jocks accusations. Now if there is a culture in Australia of lads who find it acceptable to demean women, then this is a culture that would most likely produce (this is a longshot, but I’m going somewhere with this) rapists, or sexual harrassers. Trouble is getting these people to stop being horrible to women by setting a good example, which is hard when I haven’t exactly been treated well by women either.
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July 8th, 200810:37 am at
First of all, let me say I’m jealous like a motherfucker of how your writing flows. It seems like you hit a riff and it all just pores out. I could make a smutty innuendo here, but I shan’t. All I’ll say is damn you and your superior technique. One day I will surpass you. ONE DAY.
As for the particulars, a couple of points caught my interest.
First of all, I still struggle to resolve myself with rape fantasies. If I ever found myself in a situation where a partner wanted to simulate the act of rape I’d want to know exactly what the fuck is so arousing about it. Don’t get me wrong, I know exactly what: the active flouting of taboos in controlled environments. It’s the core rationale behind most sexual fetishes and I accept it in nearly all cases. But there’s something particular about rape fantasy that still disgusts me, even after intellectual consideration. The fact that a participant can turn around and say ‘please stop raping me now’ seems disrespectful to those who aren’t allowed that particular luxury in reality. Also, are rape fantasies still rape when consent can be enforced like that? Aren’t they more a form of domination/submission? The labelling rubs me the wrong way, especially considering the definition of rape as ‘forceful non-consenting sex’.
Of course I’m talking about real rape fantasies between normal people here rather than the anime/manga depictions. Those bother me less because they don’t involve real people and, like you’ve said, are often so overblown and bias to a particular audience that they become ridiculous. Equally, their lack of reality (as in, involving no real human being) makes the ‘fantasy’ element of the title more palatable.
As for fiction influencing reality, I agree to a certain extent but it really depends on the audience it’s influencing and their susceptibility. I certainly agree it can enforce social norms that are already in place, such as the ones you describe of Japanese society and its women, but that isn’t uniformly true about everything. Sexual preference is tricky topic to discuss in this regard because I’ve heard a few people say things like ‘I never used to find little girls attractive until I started watching anime’ on IRC, which suggests sexual preferences particularly can be influenced in more subtle ways. I guess it makes sense, too: our arousal often isn’t completely conscious, which suggests it can be influenced more acutely by repeat exposure than other things . . .
But I’m going to leave it there. I’ve rewritten this comment two times already and I’m still a little unsatisfied with it. This is a very difficult topic because our opinions on it start as gut reactions, which are a bitch to get a handle on at the best of times. Either way, good work on an excellent R-R topic.
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July 8th, 20084:30 pm at
@Mr. Aspiekins: You have a disorder. Deal with it. If people take advantage of you, don’t you fucking dare go down without a fight. Your life is what you make of it, and if you don’t want to be taken advantage of, then don’t let it happen. People–both men and women–are pricks, and even the best of folk can become monsters when they get the idea that they can talk down to you. I don’t know the particulars of your disorder, but like itsubunbun said, speak the fuck up. You’re human, and if you want to get treated like one then you better start acting like one.
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July 8th, 200811:14 pm at
@MANMOT:
I just gave the heave-ho (dumping) to a girl who wasn’t being honest with me about her intentions, so consider that the start of my “manning-up”. Ain’t no woman gonna do me wrong no more.
Speaking of manning up you seem to have maintained your signature style of advice I knew and loved despite your “electronic sex change”. Ironically it’s harder for me to accept your new man-status than it was to accept your status as a “lesbian blogger”. I just need to remember that you’re not a girl anymore, all this gender confusion makes my head spin.
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July 9th, 20083:45 am at
Thank you, itsubun, for another wonderful, thought-provoking entry. Ever since I stumbled across your blog, your lengthier entries have never since failed to completely enrapture me. I feel more informed now and I believe I now have a better understanding of rape fantasies.
As a male, I would like to add another male-centered view. As Baka-Raptor and you have already pointed out, the pressure from society for males to have sex can feel like a sort of entrapment as well. Failing to meet expectations can have an emasculating effect which affects a core fundamental of the male’s identity (being male). I am guessing that male rape fantasies are ways to either fulfill a requirement or to have sex (here used as a natural desire) without any pressure to do so from society.
As to whether male rape fantasies are comparable to female rape fantasies, I haven’t the foggiest. All I know is that rape is an act of hatred, not love, and that is not a nice sort of fantasy either way.
I’d also like to reinforce a non-essential point. Everyone you meet is a human being, including those on the internet. Forgetting that is a sad start to a series of pointless flaming which only amounts to hurt feelings. I hope that everyone may one day realize this and start treating others just a little bit better.
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July 9th, 200810:44 am at
@Asuka and HtoK: Thank you both for your kind words.
I’m always surprised and delighted whenever a person who isn’t also a blogger leaves me a comment. Not that I don’t appreciate my fellow bloggers. But in my head, I’m so sure that most if not all of my readers come from the blogosphere. So I don’t think to consider that there could be readers apart from the community who do lurk around my blog without commenting [or at least up until now in your cases]. I’m very glad you guys did though, because besides being extremely flattering, your comments are also a relief from the at times suffocating standards and dorama of the blogosphere. They remind me that I’m not bounded to or by those things and that I can just write for myself on my own terms and the general readers who bother with my blog.
=]
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July 10th, 20082:31 am at
Just so you know, I apologise if my comments flamed anybody because they weren’t written as flames. They are flammable though, don’t cook or smoke near them. E(-_-)P
My last comment on this subject is that any geek male who has read Train Man will probably be opposed to rape or sexual harassment in general. The guy risks his neck to save a girl from a drunk bozo on a train. That takes a lot of guts for a guy to do, and it doesn’t help the state of the gender when men are expected to have sex with women by their peers. “Pimp Culture” is one of these examples. I’m saddened when the word “pimp” is used as a compliment.
Baka-Raptor makes some fair points about how the guy whose black books are empty get pushed down the stairs. But it’s the men who get pushed down the stairs that most likely fall in love, the real sort instead of just wanting someone for their body.
Jerry Springer’s Final Thought segment comes to mind when I write final thoughts, only I’m not trying to inject some dignity into a trailer trash TV program when I blog and comment. The thing about male Anime fans and their longing for characters who may not exist, but are real to them, is that at least they know the names of the characters they love, and are unlikely to want to rape them. I’m not a girl so I don’t know the exact psychology of why a woman could possibly entertain rape fantasies and be healthy, but I do know that…
[pause: I've forgotten what my point was... will continue soon... ah, there it is]
that male Anime fans sometimes feel shame when they entertain the notion of getting some, whether it is with 2D or 3D girls. I rarely say this to people but it has to be said. Sometimes a man wants more than just getting busy. But when some men only think about getting busy with a woman, they fail to maintain that the woman needs to get something back, both physical and emotional.
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July 10th, 20089:04 am at
@Asperger’s Anime Blogger: Don’t worry, your comments didn’t flame or offend anyone. Stop fretting and go enjoy your summer.
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August 24th, 200812:49 pm at
Oh my God. Here I was just trying to figure out why women are so turned on by rape and bam- I’m hit by this. I now see why…It makes total sense! The part where we’re just using the guys to express our secret dirty desires was incredible. I never realized that was really what was going on. I’d convinced myself that in each fantasy I was TOTALLY helpless, and that he was simply acting out HIS own will- not mine at all. It was simply a coincidence that he said things I wanted to hear, hurt me just so, and gave me the amazing amount of pleasure only found in dreams. Thing is though, my guys were never rich or incredibly attractive. Even in my dreams they were sort of faceless, working- class, total scumbags who thought women were only good for one thing: their pleasure. In fact, many of my fantasies consisted of being kidnapped by a man who I thought was a friend, thrown in a cage in the back of a van, while a disgusting guy drove me to their “base”. There I would be used by all sorts of men all the time for sex. They’d jump me in my sleep, fuck me on the toilet, push me down in the dirt and have their way with me, ect. I’d become close to one man there, because he was the only one who was gentle with me. Eventually he might claim me as his own, it just depended on the rules of the base. A year or so later, perhaps after 3- 5, I’d be returned to my home and family… A soul-less survivor of sex slavery.
Of course I’ve had the kind of fantasies you talked about above, it just wasn’t always the case. But now I see why they occurred, and I realize the true brutal horrors of real rape. Thank you for educating me on something so much more important to life than math, when no one I could ever have asked would’ve been able to answer.
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October 24th, 200812:06 pm at
Good!
I absolutely agree!
Not only I was trying to make polls about “when too far is too far!” and all I got in reply was always the same old crap: it’s just a manga… it’s okay because they love each other in the end and they get married too.
But the point is: how can a normal girl really think it’s Okay to have someone you absolutely don’t know stick his hand in her underwear and just stay there, like a shaking bunny… and even thinK “oooh this feels good!”
So whenever someone answer that… it’s okay I always say the same thing: Girl, I wish you find a guy just like him… but when you do, don’t call the police. They’ll find manga in your house and would never believe you if you ever go to trial!
Obviously! tsk tsk!
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December 20th, 20089:29 pm at
Wow.. this is a long though out post…
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January 29th, 20095:22 am at
A accidentally ran across this article looking for a photo that has nothing to do with rape or anime (Google is funny that way). As someone who watches anime, no longer an “anime fan”. I’d like to share some input that may help some folks here… or share ideas.
First of all, excellent article… I’ve fell in love with a beautiful Japanese girl (I’m not an Asianphile) and she’d hold my hand in public, we were in love. But her parents didn’t approve and so our relationship was killed by the rules of her family’s culture, never mind she’s born in the USA and has no accent. She was in a dilemma, wanting to love who she wants but not to dis-respect or dishonor her parents. We had respect for each other sexually. Funny thou, she is the strong “boss lady” type that many guys are scared of, yet she loved being controlled by me, fighting playfully in bed. We raped each other half of the time with me losing more than a shirt here and there.
I feel sorry for her, and to any woman who isn’t allowed to be free. There isn’t much, if anything we can do as Japanese culture is very old and structured. But I think the women are getting more free and equal with each generation.
@ Asperger :
you seem to communicate very well. If your Asperger syndrome is not noticeable, then don’t talk about it. Not saying be ashamed or anything like that. If a girl is going to talk to you about their crap, then you have the ability to have a GF. Here is the trick. STOP THAT. Ask for dates, etc… but if that FRIEND ZONE comes up, you say “hold it dear, I’m a man looking for a woman. If you have guy issues please share them with your girlfriend. If we’re not going to make out or date, then lets not waste each others time and walk you out my door” (or if you’re at her house – leave). Either you’re not wasting your time or she’ll see you have “balls” and ask to stay. I’ve done that crap, listening to guy problems about jerks. Guess what, all our dads are jerks – we hear it from our moms all the time.
Good luck with the ladies, go out more, learn skills like dancing, sports, some sort of interaction with other people who are doing things, that you may like. As I’ve told other shy or inexperienced guys – YOU have to get out there, get some dates under your belt. Why? If your life experiences are limited, what do you have to talk about with a girl? You have to have stories, experiences.
*** A general statement below ***
While this blog is about Japanese rape fantasies… most women want to be controlled. Not the same as abuse, and some women don’t know the difference. Girls like their hair pulled back with control and then kissed passionately. I used to by a shy boy, going years without sex. I’m dating a girl, who I walked up to at a club and asked her to dance. We never left the dance floor and within an hour we were French kissing, I held her body to mine in a room with about 100+ people, lights and loud music. I didn’t even know her name yet. In the past 18 months, I’ve dated or had sex with about 35+ women. I really like this latest girl compared to anything recently.
@ HtoK:
“All I know is that rape is an act of hatred, not love,” – Rape is about hate. At least most of the time. When you see a Japanese video or anime of a girl being molested/saved on a train and she doesn’t do anything, it can be somewhat questionable. But the girls/women are brought up to be “victims” in a sense. Check out videos of women doing public nudity or sex in Japan, over 90% of the people around will ignore it. But yes, I agree 100% that nonconsensual sex is hate and or emotional problems or sexual hang-ups. Think of a SOB who puts a date-rape drug in a girls drink, she’ll wake up and will most likely not remember much of it or that she agreed to do the sexual act. That guy did it because it’s the ONLY way he’s going to get his dick inside a woman without paying for it… not hate, but pathetic.
Rape fantasies or acts within a relationship is not “hate”, it means you’re doing it right. Its primal F-ing. That some of the best sex, biting, scratching, ripping clothes off each other is intense. Why do you think girls like to show off their hickies? I’ve been with a woman whose husband of 5 years was a jerk and his sex act was usually 5 mins. She had lovely nipples that liked to be pulled, twisted and chewed on (no marks or anything painful) and she loved it.
@ dirtdonthurtmomies
You should check out alt.sex.stories or their website asstr.org of stories, all free, there is stuff like that in there. And your fantasy should stay in your head, as such situations like that, the girl never comes home alive or worse. A friend on the internet, young girl of 18yrs of age a long ago told me of a fantasy of guy(s) coming into her home and raping her. She gave me her phone number and to some other guys including a nut. I explained to her HOW DANGEROUS it was to give out her info as was proven by the “nut” calling her and even thou nothing came of it – it wasn’t fun for her.
You fantasy is fine and there’s way to make it more realistic while not being dangerous… 3-5 years as a full time sex slave, is not a fun thing. Keep in mind, in the USA, hundreds or thousands of girls disappear each year from meeting someone online. And what those creeps do would go beyond anything you or I can think of or imagine doing.
A single rape can scar a woman for life at any age. Or with help and logic of not making it personal, it can be overcome a lot easier. IE: its not your fault as a victim.
You can do sex games in which you are boxed and bond safely with people in the BDSM scene, but depending on who you meet, it can be respectful, safe and fun or very dangerous. Have your boyfriend buy $8 handcuffs from some condom shop or online, wrist-straps and such. With someone you trust.
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March 13th, 20107:54 pm at
Just a question, which mangas did the 3 pretty boys come from?
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